


Dinner At Dave's - A DaveGus Crackfic

by MissSteph22



Category: Alvin and the Chipmunks - All Media Types
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Not to be taken seriously, alvinnn!!!, crackfic, mature themes, poor attempt at humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 13:41:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13812345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSteph22/pseuds/MissSteph22
Summary: It's been a long, hard week, and so when Officer Dangus gets off work, he's delighted to receive an invite to dinner at his good friend Dave's. It should be a good night. But it's not until dessert where things get really interesting...





	Dinner At Dave's - A DaveGus Crackfic

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry in advance for this. This is my first attempt at a crackfic. I probably won't write another one after this but hey, who knows, right? This is also my first attempt at anything remotely mature.  
> DaveGus is my crackship - I don't take it all that seriously when it comes to actual shipping, just as a disclaimer.  
> But Officer Dangus is my favourite character.
> 
> ALVINNN!!! and the Chipmunks belongs to Bagdasarian Productions.

It had been a long, hard week, and so when Officer Dangus got off work, he was delighted to receive an invite to dinner at his good friend Dave's. Well, _friend_ is a loose term. They'd only really grown closer because Dangus couldn't keep away from the house. He had Alvin to thank for that.

Starting up the car, the police officer made his way to the Seville residence, humming along to the songs in the car. His favourites. Rammstein and Vengaboys. He particularly liked the transition from "Du Hast" to "Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!" on his mixtape.

Literal. Fire.

Boom.

He laughed to himself, even doing the hand motion to go with his shitty pun. Ah, he loved this. Riding solo in the squad car. Enjoying his own sense of humour. The other cops didn't understand him. They made fun of him behind his back, laughed at his tiny wrists, and even took away his beloved squad car. He shuddered at the thought of the uncomfortably tight bike seat that had a particular way of _really_ squeezing his-

"Nuts!" He suddenly exclaimed, looking down at his lap. To his absolute dismay, he discovered his salted peanuts spilling out of the bag and onto the floor. He looked at the time. He didn't have time to clean it up _and_ be on time for dinner. Driving on, he sighed dramatically. He needs to stop eating nuts in the car.

Eventually, he made it, which meant he had to cut short Rammstein's heavy guitar solo. Did you know Rammstein means 'ramming stone' in German? Huh, what do you know. Closing the door, he took a deep breath. This should be fun. Some good chat between him and his good friend Dave. Two adults enjoying a friendly dinner. Everything will go smoothly.

He waited at the door with baited breath.

He just had to knock on it now.

Aaaany minute now.

You can do this Dangus.

"Officer Dangus? What are you doing here?" A familiar high-pitched voice suddenly piped up from behind him, making him jump. "Listen, I know what you're thinking but I swear it wasn't me that threw the Nickelback foam party in Miss Smith's classroom."

"Wha-uh-? Foam party?" The officer suspiciously raised an eyebrow. It was at this moment, Alvin realised. He fucked up. Officer Dangus folded his arms.

"W-what I meant to say was," Alvin began, nervously chuckling. He quickly tried to change the subject. "Is that a new shirt? That colour really works on you."

Dangus looked down at his shirt. The same light blue shirt he's been wearing for years.

"Alvin."

"And what you did with the hat? Love it! Not everybody can wear a hat you know, but you really-"

"Alvin! I'm here to see Dave, if you must know."

The chipmunk's eyes lit up in mischievous astonishment.

"What? No way! What'd he do? I always knew that David Seville was a criminal. So, was it a serious crime? Did he kill someone?"

"No."

"Theft?"

"No."

"Get in a fight?"

"No."

"You must really like our song 'NO!', huh? Haha, get it? Because you keep quoting it? 'Cause all I say now is-"

"You're a little shit," Officer Dangus said, in his head, because he'd never cuss in front of kids. He was about to speak until a voice suddenly cut him off.

"Oh, hi! I didn't know you were here, come in!" A voice called from the front door, and as Officer Dangus turned around, there he saw him. Dave Seville. Smiling a classic Disney Prince smile.

"Hi Dave!" The policeman smiled back - maybe not like a Disney Prince but in the damn best way he could, which was probably still pretty good - and followed Dave into the house. "I'm sorry I couldn't change. I just got off work and didn't have time."

"Oh that's fine," Dave casually replied. "Besides, we all love a man in uniform, don't we?"

Dave wasn't sure if he actually meant to say that or not, but he went with it and laughed because well, it was just a saying. Things like that just slip off the tongue, right?

Officer Dangus barely registered the comment because he was looking at his surroundings as he made his way to the dining room. This house was always immaculate. Perfect family photos, expensive Chat Noir painting, man this house had it all. Everything looked so perfectly polished. But surely with three chipmunks living under your roof, things would sometimes get a little messy? Yeah, Dangus wanted to assume this. I mean, Dave definitely had to have some skeletons in his closet, right? But like, not literally. Because that would be a problem. And he'd have to take care of that.

"I'm so glad you could make it this evening. I know you're a very busy man."

"Oh, it's..." He trailed off, thinking of the night he would have spent had Dave not blessed him with an invitation. He'd be in his apartment, passed out on the sofa with a box of half-eaten Dunkin' Donuts with 'Murder, She Wrote' playing in the background.

He laughed, just a little sadly, to himself.

"Haha, it's nothing Dave. I'd always make time to see you!"

That really pleased Dave. Dave, who spent all day polishing every surface and vacuuming because he'd be damned if Officer Dangus was coming to a dirty house. I mean, not like he'd made a _special_ effort for Dangus or anything. He'd be the same for any guest. Before he disappeared into the kitchen, he called for the boys.

"Boys, it's time for dinner." With that, Alvin, Simon, and Theodore sat themselves down at the table. So Dangus did the same, but not before wondering how these little chipmunks managed to reach the table without defying physics. He had to peek.

Books. It was books.

"So, Officer, how was your day?" Simon asked. Officer Dangus took a sip of water, reflecting on his day. In the morning, he had to arrest someone who broke into the coffee shop before opening hours claiming "I just needed my fix, you know?" In the afternoon, he had to deal with a naked man wearing a horse mask passing out printed screenshots of Smash Mouth's All-Star music video.

"It was... uh, interesting. Always is when you're a cop."

"Do you get to deal with big serious crimes? Like, serial killers and stuff?"

"Hasn't really come up in this town. So no." The policeman looked down at his lap, and to his disappointment, realised it was covered in nut dust. He tried to discreetly wipe it down but was questioned again by the Chipmunks.

"Do you like your job, Officer?" Theodore asked, smiling sweetly.

"Well sure I do. It has its tough days, but I guess any job does." He took another sip of water.

"So you don't get any action?" The water was immediately spat out onto his lap, complementing the nut dust nicely. "You don't get to chase bad guys, or do any of the stuff you see on TV?"

Realising what Alvin meant, Dangus regained his composure.

"N-no. My job's exciting but don't get me wrong, it is _nothing_ like what you see on TV. It's lies."

"Officer, is everything okay with your water?" Theodore asked, probably referring to the droplets of spit and water decorating both Dangus and the table.

"Huh? O-oh, yeah. I mean, I uh, everything's fine. It just... went down the wrong... hole?" Nice one, Dangus.

"Dinner's ready," Dave said, entering the room with plates. "I hope you like peas and carrots, Officer."

The policeman nodded enthusiastically. Thankfully he liked them, so he didn't have to lie. Even if he didn't like them, he supposed he could always eat around-

Oh.

Dave wasn't fucking kidding.

"It's... _just_ peas and carrots?"

"That's Dave's specialty!" Theodore piped up, digging in. "We had them last night, the night before, and the night before that."

"We have them almost every night," Simon added, stabbing a carrot with his fork.

Dangus stared down at his plate. Peas and carrots. Nothing else. A mountain of tiny carrots and peas. Garden peas, by the looks of it. Oh boy. He gave up donuts for this. But, he's a grateful guest. He picked up his fork.

"So, uh, lemme get my head around this, you have this every night?" He directed the question at Dave, who was about a quarter of the way into his 'specialty' already.

"It's something healthy for the boys. They seem to really like it." The truth was, Dave just didn't want to admit that he was a terrible cook, so he'd cover it up with any bullshit excuse he could.

"We have salad some nights," Alvin piped up. "On rare occasions, we might even have spaghetti."

He could understand the boys eating this. They're chipmunks. But how the fuck does a grown-ass man like Dave survive on this?

"That sounds fantastic. Really. Wow." Dangus tried not to dwell on it. About 60% of his diet was donuts. It would be rude to criticize anyone else's eating habits. Everybody continued to eat, and they fell into a comfortable silence. Until Simon spoke up.

"You know, Officer, you can take your hat off. Although Alvin always wears his inside, it's not a necessity. Please, make yourself right at home."

He was about to reply until Alvin interrupted.

"Yeah, what's up with that? You never take the thing off. I think I've seen you without it like, once."

"Alvin, don't be rude!" Simon hissed.

"Maybe he really likes his hat," Theodore chimed in, ever the optimist. But Alvin hit back.

"I bet he has helmet hair or something!"

"Helmet hair? Is that the funny hair you get when you wear hats?"

"Yes."

"Then surely Alvin has that too?"

"I don't, but Dangus sure does I bet."

"Stop talking about Dangus' helmet!" Dave suddenly shouted, breaking up the conversation. All eyes fell on him, making a blush spread across his cheeks. "Hair. His helmet hair. Uh, w-what I mean is, leave him alone."

His gaze met the policeman's, and in a slightly-weirder-than-usual tone, he almost whispered:

"You can leave your hat on..."

Dangus decided to aggressively concentrate on the peas and carrots. He didn't know what it was about that comment,  but it certainly made him feel about ten degrees warmer.

"Yeah but what's up with the shades though? Do you really need those indoors Officer?"

"Alvin," Dave warned in a low voice.

"What?"

"You know what!"

"Oh come on! I'm just playing! It's not my fault that Barney Fife here-"

"No references at the dinner table."

The eldest chipmunk protested, only to be met with a stern glare from his father. And Dangus. Muttering to himself, he continued eating. Simon was straining to suppress the smirk he so desperately wanted to make.

"Remember to eat up boys! I bought some Prongles that you can share after dinner."

"Haha, you mean _Pringles_ , right?" Dangus tried to laugh off the mistake. But Dave's face was deadly serious.

"No, I got Prongles. You know? Prongles! Once you pop, that's great!"

"Prongles! I like the salt and potato kind best!" Theodore exclaimed.

Officer Dangus was internally screaming. The fuck is happening right now? The fuck are Prongles?

Slowly but surely, he was beginning to accept that maybe, just maybe, he had regrets about tonight. He had a whole box set of Jessica Fletcher's adventures waiting for him at home but he turned it down in favour of listening to this family talk about fucking Prongles.

"So Officer, how's life? How's your nephew?" Dave asked.

"Yeah, he's fine. Still in Alvin's class."

"He's quite a character. He was magnificent at that school concert, you remember?"

Yes, he remembered. Dave brings this up a lot. The concert. Not so much the awkward incident in which their hands reached for the same armrest and touched. But rest assured he thinks about that. A lot.

He wanted to know what moisturizer Dave used because _damn._ That man's hands were _soft_.

"U-uh, yeah, it was a good night," he quickly replied, clearing his throat.

"Your nephew's a good kid. You should be proud of him."

"I am, all the time."

"Anyway, I'm going to take the empty plates through, are you done?"

"Yeah," Dangus said, silently relieved he changed the subject. He didn't really have a lot he could say about his nephew. His nephew who he always just called "his nephew" and that was enough.

The boys all left the table, presumably to pick up their Prongles so Dangus also left the table to stand awkwardly in the living room while he waited for an indication of what was going to happen next. He could hear them talking in the kitchen.

"Okay boys, are you going to bed?"

"It's only 7pm, Dave."

"By the time you're finished getting ready, it'll be time for bed."

"That's not fair. Why can't we sit down here and hang out with Officer Dangus?"

"I think he's had enough of you."

"That's very true. It doesn't take very much to get on his nerves."

That's _not_ true!

... Okay, maybe a little.

"Goodnight boys," Dave said, in what sounded like a hurried bid to get them upstairs.

"Goodnight Dave," they replied, leaving the kitchen and  heading up the stairs. On their way they bid Dangus goodnight too, a little bit like the Von Trapp kids but minus the singing which was a pity because well, they're singing chipmunks.

A few moments later, Dave emerged from the kitchen with two plates, each holding a slice of cheesecake. A can of whipped cream was tucked under his arm.

"I hope you like strawberry cheesecake," he said, offering a plate to the policeman. "Because I bought this for dessert."

Dangus had to do everything in his power to contain himself because oh yes, he _loved_ cheesecake.

Why aren't the boys getting any though? Huh. Who knows. He shrugged it off. Prongles and cheesecake would maybe be a little too much for them.

"Would you like some whipped cream?" Dave asked, avoiding Dangus' gaze as he did so. The policeman nodded politely and allowed the man to squirt some on the plate. The cake had more than enough cream, but more couldn't hurt, right? He likes cream.

Enthusiastically, both started to eat on the sofa, until Dave spoke again.

"You know, I really am glad you made it. I know I said it before, but I appreciate that you take time out of your busy life to come visit us. I think the boys love seeing you too, particularly Alvin. He's very interested in what you do."

That was... very sweet. Dangus could actually feel his heart swelling at Dave's words.

"Aw, thanks Dave. That means a lot."

He wanted to add that half the time he was actually here because it was his job to be here, but that would spoil the mood.

"So, how have you been?" Dangus asked. "I mean I hear a lot from the boys but never you."

"Me? O-oh... I've been..." Dave seemed to be searching for an answer. "I've been fine."

"That's good." The policeman took another bite of the cake. It was heavenly. Creamy, sweet, and smooth as all the flavours just melted in his mouth-

"Good cake, huh?" Dave quipped, noting Dangus' face of what probably looked like ecstasy.

"Mmmmhmmmhmm," Dangus tried to mumble his way through a mouthful, but quickly swallowed after seeing the look of confusion on Dave's face. "It's the best!"

"I'm glad you think so," Dave said. He paused for a second, and then finally continued. "Actually, Officer, there's something I need to tell you..."

Dangus perked up, waiting to hear what Dave could possibly have to say. He watched the man for... quite a bit of time, but he didn't say anything. Dave was frowning; he looked like he was lost in intense thought. Like he was weighing something up in his mind. Should he say it? Should he not? Instead of speaking, he took another mouthful of cake.

"Well, spit it out!" Dangus said, a little impatient.

Taken aback, Dave did just that. The contents of his mouth were spilled onto the plate.

"Not literally, you fucking dingus!" Dangus said, once again in his head, because he'd never be so vulgar with his language. He's a good man.

Wait.

He didn't like "dingus". It's a bit too similar to his own name.

Oh well, too late to change it now.

"Well, w-what I meant to say was," Dave started, staring with regret at the cake mush on his plate. "I forgot what I was going to say."

Gee, that's a cop out. Dangus should know. He _is_ a cop.

The pair continued to eat, well, Dangus did anyway. Dave was debating whether or not he should eat the cake mush. Might as well. It's better than looking at it on a plate.

"So," Dangus tried to steer the conversation into less awkward territory. "How's the songwriting?"

"Oh, it's great! I really owe it to the boys, the Chipettes too. They're the real stars."

"They're good kids."

"And you? How's life treating you? I bet you don't get a spare minute with your job."

"It's fine. I mean, being pretty much the only policeman in town has its ups and downs but I can't complain."

Dave hummed, and nodded. He took a strawberry from the top of his slice, dipped it in the whipped cream, and slowly, _very slowly_ , slid it into his mouth, making full eye-contact with the policeman sitting next to him.

The room felt very hot. His clothes. His skin. Dangus didn't know where to look because he was slowly beginning to question _holy shit_ \- is David Seville coming on to him? He cleared his throat and tried to readjust his shades. His hands were trembling; this was all very sudden, but he couldn't deny, there was something about the way Dave's mouth completely devoured that strawberry that made him-

"IF YOU WANNA RIDE WITH ME, THEN LET'S RIDE! DON'T YOU WANNA-"

Dave immediately started to cough violently, upon the mortifying realisation that his CD player was blasting out Chipmunks songs. He clutched at this throat, and Dangus got the wrong end of the stick.

"Are you choking? O-oh wait, hang on! I got this! Lemme give you the Heimlich!"

But it was unnecessary, because Dave's coughing subsided, and he was left gasping for breath.

"Oh my gosh, that was scary, are you alright Dave?"

"I'm fine," Dave breathed. Then he pointed grudgingly at the CD player. "It's this CD player. It has a mind of its own. Excuse me for one second."

Well slap him on the ass and call him Jim Hopper, there sure are some Stranger Things™ going on in this household.

Dave got up to switch it off, and decided he'd also take the opportunity to carry the empty plates to the kitchen. Left alone again, Dangus tried to regain his composure. Perhaps he was misreading signals, but he couldn't get the image of Dave's lips wrapped around that strawberry out of his head.

This visit was getting harder and harder.

"Officer, I'm really sorry about all this." Dave said, reappearing. "I just wanted tonight to go smoothly and I keep messing up."

"Oh no, don't sweat it! I'm having a good time. This has been fun!"

"I just-" Dave sighed, running a hand through his hair. His soft, shiny, perfectly kept hair. "There's something I need to ask you, and please don't freak out, okay? But I need to know..."

"Yes?" Dangus inched closer.

"Did you... feel something? At the table, I felt something, a-and I just, I wondered... did you feel it too?"

A connection? A spark? Oh yes. He didn't think it would happen like this, but he couldn't keep kidding himself. He was definitely seeing something more in Dave. He wasn't just a friend.

"I... I did." The policeman almost whispered these words, confessing both to Dave and to himself. He tentatively waited for Dave's response.

"Oh thank god," Dave exclaimed, relief washing over his features. Dangus' heart skipped a beat. "For the longest time, I really did think I was imagining it. Oh, I'm so glad you felt it too. I really need to call pest control."

Wait, what?

"I didn't realise the rodent problem was this bad."

Um, rude, Dave. That's your kids.

"But I'm sure pest control will be able to get rid of the rat in no time."

Oh.

_Oh._

"Wha-wh- you-" Dangus spluttered, aghast. "You mean to tell me there's a _rat_ in there?"

"J-just a small one! I'm going to fix it, I promise! I didn't want to tell you right away because you're my guest and I didn't want to offend you."

Dangus cursed the rat that pissed all over the mood. He went into full police officer mode, even going as far as to point his finger at Dave accusingly.

"Well I don't want to offend you but as a host you should really have this under control! Do you know how disgusting that is? And you have _kids_ running around in this house! It's not hygienic Dave!"

"I... I know. I'm sorry. I don't even know how it got in."

"Ugh, what is with you tonight?" Dangus threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. "First you serve me a plate of vegetables - which by the way, were good, but would it hurt you to introduce some more food groups? Then you start talking about weird shit like what the fuck are Prongles? Then you start making weird passes at me like the hat thing, a-and the strawberry, and now, _now_ , you're telling me there's a rat running around in here!"

Sighing, the policeman flopped onto the sofa, his outburst already haunting him. That's two pennies for the swear jar. Dave did his best to mask the hurt at his words, and rather, focussed on one particular point.

"... Passes?"

"Don't play dumb. You knew what you were doing."

"... I... You noticed?"

The policeman shifted his gaze to Dave, who stood awkwardly by the sofa, rubbing at his arm. He was trying and failing at playing innocent.

"I did. And you know," he said, sitting up. "You're the last person I would have pictured seductively eating a strawberry out of the blue and yet, it was nice. Until you mentioned the rat."

"I uh, thanks?" Dave couldn't suppress the blush that reddened his cheeks.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I guess I just...wasn't sure."

"Are you kidding? _I_ wasn't sure! I mean, here's you, Dave Seville, a big hit with the ladies. 'Oh wow look, it's Dave!' How am I supposed to know that-"

"I'm not a hit with the ladies," Dave interjected, fidgeting with his sleeve.

"Your dating profile says otherwise."

"That's not mine." Dangus stared at him. "I mean, it is, but I didn't set that up. The boys did."

Wow, that's kind of sad.

"What do you mean the boys set that up? You mean you don't want super fine honeys that don't need to be smart?"

"Um... no." Dave cast his gaze to the rug, the painful flashbacks of that dating experience coming back uninvited. "W-well what about you?"

"What about me?"

"You're a police officer! You're known across town! I bet you get plenty of attention."

_Pffft, yeah right_ , Dangus thought.

"No! For your information, _Dave,_ I don't!"

I mean, who in their right mind would ever give their undivided attention to this loser? Ha. What a concept.

"Oh... I just thought that maybe," Dave trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. He had a heavy blush going on. Suddenly, he started making his way to the stairs. "You know, I think I heard the boys calling for me! I better go check that ou-"

"Nuh-uh! I don't think so. You get your ass back here mister," Dangus called after him, immediately stopping Dave in his tracks. "Don't make me handcuff you."

It was Dave's turn to feel very hot. His mouth had gone dry, and his palms were sweating. There was something about that authoritative tone that made him go weak.

"You want these cuffs? You think I'm messing around?"

"N-no, Officer..."

"C'mere."

Dave took small, shaky steps back towards the policeman, nervous, but excited, oh yes, excited, to see what he was going to do next. Dangus, with a serious expression, edged towards Dave. His heart was racing - did he know what he was doing to him? They were inches apart.

With a sly smirk, Dangus leaned in close, his face dangerously close to Dave's. Dave could feel his breath, searing hot against his skin. It travelled across his cheek, to his ear. Then Dangus whispered.

"You got a little cream left on your face."

"Huh? Wha-what? Where?" Dave was flustered, stepping back as though to try examine his face even though he couldn't. Dangus chucked to himself.

"Your nose."

"Oh, right." Embarrassed, Dave quickly moved to wipe the offending cream off.

"You know," Dangus began. "I could've... taken care of that."

Dave's eyes were promptly as wide as saucers.

"Y-You- You would- You were-" He stuttered, well and truly struggling with this situation.

"Well I can't now," the policeman rolled his eyes. "Stop killing the mood Dave!"

"I can't help it!"

"You're the one that started this! You can't just-"

Dangus was interrupted by a pair of lips on his own, and hands pressed firmly against each of his cheeks. Face cheeks.

Before he had a chance to close his eyes and melt into the kiss, Dave had let go, short of breath.

"I," he breathed, staring directly into Dangus' shades. "I'm sorry! I just- I couldn't control it anymore. You were driving me crazy."

"Don't."

"I really didn't mean to do it. I shouldn't have- It was a stupid thing to do, and-"

"No. I mean, don't apologize."

And with that, Dangus pulled Dave in for the kiss both had been waiting for all night. It was passionate, it was needy, it was a little clumsy but neither really cared because they were both so invested in this kiss. They craved each other, their touch, their smell, the feeling of being this close. Dangus tugged at Dave's sweater and pulled both down onto the sofa. Taken aback, Dave broke the kiss, straddling Dangus.

"Comfier on the sofa, right?" The policeman's hat was askew, as were his shades. In Dave's eyes, it was only making him look more attractive. He'd never seen a prettier sight. However, noting that it was difficult to make out with them on, Dangus tossed the shades aside.

"Much better," Dave agreed, moving in to kiss the officer again. The pair were inseparable, hands beginning to roam as soft moans escaped them. Dangus let his fingers get tangled in Dave's silky locks, and Dave's hands were caressing the policeman's blue shirt, toying with the buttons. He wasn't sure how far this was going to go. Dangus quickly noticed, and pulled away to breathe.

His eyes scanned Dave's, searching for an answer, for _something_. He could sense the hesitance, and didn't want to do anything unless he was sure it was what Dave wanted.

"I..." Dave gazed into Dangus' eyes. His heart was pounding. "I... Maybe we can take this... upstairs?"

The policeman could barely believe what he was hearing.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Dave replied, coyly making circular patterns on Dangus' shirt with his finger.

With that, the pair got up. Dave extended his hand for Dangus, who eagerly took it and allowed the man to guide him upstairs.

* * *

It was late. Very late. Pitch black outside. Must have been about 1am. Thankfully Dangus wasn't on duty so he didn't have to worry about his walkie-talkie going off, especially now that he was creeping through the hallway, trying not to wake anybody. Dave was fast asleep, and that had been the policeman's cue to take his leave.

It was a good night. One that Dangus sure wasn't going to forget anytime soon. Even thinking about it was making him feel warm.

Very carefully, he crept down the stairs. He really didn't want to wake the boys. That would be awkward with extra awkward on top. He wasn't exactly sure how he'd explain why he was in their house at 1am. Sure, he could make up a bullshit story about how he was on a mission but he had a feeling they wouldn't believe him. As he made his way to the front door, a sudden voice stopped him, and almost stopped his heart.

"Going so soon?"

It was Dave.

Thank the heavens.

"I gotta get going, I think I left my TV on," he whispered, adjusting his hat.

"I see. Well, don't forget these," Dave said, twirling a pair of handcuffs on his finger. Flustered, Dangus quickly took them and pocketed them.

"Right, and uh, don't forget to take care of that rat problem."

"Sure thing, Officer Daddy..."

"Wha-" It was dark, but Dave could clearly see Dangus blush a furious shade of pink. "I'm pretty sure the 'Daddy' here is _you_!"

Dave chuckled softly.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go," Dangus said, gesturing to the door. "I'll see you around."

"Goodnight."

The pair glanced fondly at each other before parting ways.

Dangus quietly climbed into the squad car, silently praying that Rammstein wasn't about to come blaring out of the speakers as he put the key in ignition. Thankfully, the dulcet tones of Till Lindemann didn't bless his ears, and he could drive in silence.

He reckoned he'd go straight to sleep when he got home - he was pretty tired, after all. Maybe a donut or two and then he'd crash out on the sofa with his old pal Jessica Fletcher. He really did love that show.

The car was inching closer to his apartment when he suddenly felt... bare. He blinked several times, feeling the naked sensation in his face. Raising a hand to feel both his face, then his shirt, his heart sank upon the realisation.

"Shit!" He loudly exclaimed, in his head, of course, because it was late.

He'd forgotten his shades.

Ah well, guess that meant he'd just have to pay Dave another visit, huh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I... Again, I'm so sorry! Seriously though, thanks for reading!


End file.
